To my August 26th self,
Today you will do something that scares you. You will wake up early, put on your armor, and head into the battlefield. You will cover your eyes and open your heart, and you will make yourself vulnerable to someone in a way that you have never done so in the past. It won’t be the right someone. I’m sorry. I hope you’ll keep reading.
I’m here to warn you: Tomorrow may hurt a little. But not in the way you think.
After you push past sadness, you will feel a little angry. You have every right to. Talk it out with your bro. He will tell you to yell. You won’t, but you will love him even more because he will yell for you. He will say the things you’re feeling but still don’t have the courage to say. He is your people.
Tomorrow you will cry. But not for the reasons that you think.
In a couple of days you will finally get to talk to your person. She will make you feel better. You will realize that the tears you shed were because you couldn’t talk to her when you needed to and wanted to most. It’s not her fault. You can blame Time. It’s ok–he can take it. She is your people; Time on the other hand, might not right now.
You will also realize that you have another person. You will find yourself in a moment where you have never respected this man more than today. He won’t be there. And even though you want to call him, you won’t. Maybe you’re scared, or maybe you’re trying to protect him. Maybe talking to him about matters of the heart (or more specifically, your heart) will be a little tough, but whether he is there or not there, you will always think of him as one of your most important people.
So, even though you will open up to “not the right” someone; remember that you have other someones. You have other very important someones. Someones who love you whether they are your first, second, or one-week later phone call. Whether you are able to tell them this story or not. These someones are proud of you. They are rooting for you and will always have your back. They will always hold your heart. These are your people and you are theirs.
Oh, my dear August 26th self: Today you will do something that scares you. And embracing that fear will change you–in every way that you think or want it to. It will awaken your heart (and honestly, girl–you need that right now) and it will force you to be brave–braver than you thought you were. It will shake up your insides. But remember that that tremble, those butterflies, and that racing heart of yours–these feelings are there to remind you that you are alive.
Remember: You are alive.
Thank you for showing up today. Your people are so proud of you…and I am too.
Your September 1st self.